#the superstar that is phil lester

[starredhowell]

the superstar that is phil… punxsutawney

[goldenpinof]

twitter phannies are jumping on a wedding hill but can we discuss the review of Dan's show? it's so funny, i need it to be on tumblr.

[fuckheadwitha]

Listening to Rolling Stone's Top 500 Albums of All Time

Rolling Stone released an updated list of their top 500 albums of all time and being trapped in the purgatory of covid quarantine this seems like the perfect moment to tackle what an almost completely irrelevant former counter-culture institution has to say about music (we can’t actually blame Rolling Stone for this list, a huge number of musicians and critics voted to make it). I am going to listen to every single one of these, all the way through, with a level of attention that's not super intense but I'm definitely not having them on in the background as simple aural wallpaper. Two caveats though: I can make an executive decision to skip any album if I feel the experience is sufficiently miserable, and I'm also going to be skipping the compilation albums that I feel aren't really worth slots (best ofs, etc.). In addition, I will be ordering them as I go, creating a top 500 of the top 500 (it will be less than 500 since we've already established I'm skipping some of these).

Here are 500-490:

#500 Arcade Fire - Funeral

I can already tell I'm going to be at odds with this list if one of the most important albums of my high school years is at the bottom. That being said, I haven't actually given this whole thing a listen since probably the early 2010s, before Arcade Fire fatigue set in and the hipsterati appointed band of a generation just kinda seemed to fade from popular consciousness. I actually dreaded re-experiencing it, since the synthesis of anthemic rock and quirky folk instrumentation which Arcade Fire brought mainstream has now become the common shorthand of insufferable spotify friendly folk pop. Blessedly, the first half of the album easily holds up, largely propelled by dirty fast rhythm guitar, orchestration that's tuneful rather than obnoxious, and lyrics which come off as earnest rather than pretentious. The middle gets a little sappy and “Crown of Love”, a song I definitely used to like, really starts the grate. And then we get to “Wake Up”, whose cultural saturation spawned thousands of dorky indie rock outfits that confused layered strings and horns with power and meaning. This song definitely hasn't survived the film trailers and commercials which it so ubiquitously overlayed, but the line about "a million little gods causing rainstorms, turning every good thing to rust" still attacks the part of my brain capable of sincere emotion. This album is probably going to hold the top spot for a while, because although so many elements of Funeral that made it feel so meaningful, that made it stand out so much in 2004, have been seamlessly assimilated into an intellectually and emotionally bankrupt indie pop industrial complex, the album itself still has a genuine vulnerability and bangers that still manage to rip.

#499

Rufus, Chaka Khan - Ask Rufus

Before she became a name in her own right, Chaka Khan was the voice of the band Rufus, and it’s definitely her voice that shines amongst some spritely vibey funk. That’s not to say that these aren’t some jams on their own. “At Midnight” is a banging opener with a sprint to the finish, and although the explicitly named but kinda boring “Slow Screw Against the Wall” feels weak, this wasn’t really supposed to be an album of barn burners. This was something people put on their vinyl record players while they chilled on vinyl furniture after a night of doing cocaine. “Everlasting Love” is a bop with a bassline like a Sega Genesis game, and the twinkling piano on “Hollywood” adds a playful levity to lyrics that are supposed to be both tackily optimistic about making it big out in LA and subtly realistic about the kind of nightmare world showbiz can be. “Better Days” is another track that manages to be a bittersweet jam with a catchy sour saxophone and playful synths under Chaka Khan’s vamping. This album definitely belongs on a ‘chill funk to study and relax to’ playlist.

#498

Suicide - Suicide

We’ve hit the first album that could be rightly called a progenitor for multiple genres that followed it. Someone could say there’s a self-serving element of this being on a Rolling Stone list (the band was one of the first to adopt the label ‘Punk’ after seeing it in a Lester Bangs article) but the album’s legacy is basically indisputable. EBM, industrial, punk, post-punk, new wave, new whatever all have a genealogy that connects to Suicide, and it’s easy to hear the band in everything that followed. But what the band actually is is two guys, one with an electric organ and one with a spooky voice, doing spooky simple riffs and saying spooky simple things. Simplicity is definitely not a dis here. The opener “Ghost Rider” makes a banger out of four notes and one instrument, and the refrain ‘America America is killing its youth’ is really all the lyrical complexity you need to fucking get it. “Cheree” and “Girl” have almost identical lyrics (‘oh baby’ vs ‘oh girl’) but “Cheree” is more like a fairy tale and “Girl” is more like a sonic handjob. “Frankie Teardrop” has the audacity to tell a ten minute story with its lyrics, but of course there is intermittent, actually way too loud screaming breaking up the narrative of a guy who loses everything then kills his family and himself. The song is basically a novelty, and I think you can probably say the whole album is a novelty between its brevity and character. But for a bite sized snack this album casts a huge shadow.

#497

Various Artists - The Indestructible Beat of Soweto

The fact that this particular compilation always ends up in the canon has a lot to do with the cultural context it existed in, being America’s first encounter with South African contemporary music during the decline of apartheid (it wouldn’t end until a decade later in 1994 with the country’s first multi-racial elections). Music journos often bring up the fact Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the all male choir singing on the album ender “Nansi Imali”, sang on Paul Simon’s Graceland like their virtue is they helped Paul Simon get over his depression and not, like, the actual music. But also like, how is the actual music? Jams. Ubiquitous, hooky guitars propel the songs along with bright choruses over low lead vocals, but I didn’t expect the synthesizer on the bop “Qhude Manikiniki”, nor the discordant hoedown violin on “Sobabamba”. “Holotelani” is a groove to walk into the sunset to.

#496

Shakira - Donde Estan los Ladrones

So this is the first head scratcher on the list. It’s not like it sucks. And I think I prefer this 90s guitar pop driven spanish language Shakira to modern superstar Shakira. But I mean, it’s an album of late nineties latin pop minivan music, with a thick syrupy middle that doesn’t do anything for me. The opener and closer stand out though.  ‘Ciega, Sordomuda’, one of the biggest pop songs of the 90s (it was #1 on the charts of literally every country in Latin America), has a galloping acoustic guitar and horn hits with Shakira’s vocals at their most percussive.

#495

Boyz II Men - II

So, if you were alive in the 90s you know Boyz II Men were fucking huge, and the worst song on the album is the second track “All Around the World”, basically a love song to their own success, and also the women they’ve banged. You can tell it was written specifically so that the crowd could go fucking wild when they heard their state/city/country mentioned in the song, and I’m not gonna double check but I’m sure they hit all fifty states. Once you’re over that hump though you basically have an hour of songs to fuck to. “U Know” keeps it catchy with propulsive midi guitar and synth horns, “Jezzebel” starts with a skit and ends with a richly layered jazz tune about falling in love on a train, and “On Bended Knee” has a Ragnarok Online type beat. Honestly this album can drag, but you’re not supposed to be listening to it alone in a state of analysis, you’re supposed to have it on during a date that’s going really, really well.

#494

The Ronettes - Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes

A singles compilation of the Ronettes, the only ones I immediately recognized were ‘Be My Baby’ and ‘Going to the Chapel of Love’, the latter of which I didn’t know existed since the version of the song I knew was by the Dixie Cups, which was apparently a source of drama since the Ronettes did it first but producer Phil Spector refused to release it. I feel like as a retro trip to sixties girl groups it’s full of enough songs about breaking up (for example “Breaking Up”) getting back together (for example “Breaking Up”) and wanting to get married but you can’t, because you’re a teenager (“So Young”).

#493

Marvin Gaye - Here, My Dear

This album only exists because Marvin was required by his divorce settlement to make it and provide all of the royalties to his ex-wife and motown executive Anna Gordy Gaye. It’s absolutely bizarre, phoned in mid tempo funk whose lyrics range from the passive aggressive (“This is what you wanted right?”) to the petulant (“Why do I have to pay attorney’s fees?”). There is a seething realness here that crosses well past the border of uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s an amazing album to listen to, but it’s an amazing album to exist: Marvin Gaye is legally obligated to throw his own divorce pity party, and everyone's invited.

#492

Bonnie Raitt - Nick of Time

I have never heard of Bonnie Raitt before but apparently this album won several grammys including album of the year in 1989 and sold 5 million copies, which I guess goes to show that no award provides less long term relevance than the grammys. The story around the album is pretty heartwarming, it was her first massive hit after a career of whiffs, and Bonnie Raitt herself is apparently a social activist and neat human being. I say all this because this sort of 80s country blues rock doesn't really connect with me, but the artist obviously deserves more than that. I unequivocally like the title track though, a hand-clap backed winding electric piano groove about literally finding love before your eggs dry up.

#491

Harry Styles - Fine Line

I do not think I have ever heard a one direction song because I am an adult who only listens to public radio. I’m totally open to pop bands or boy bands or boy band refugee solo artists, but I don’t like anything here. It’s like a mixtape of the worst pop trends of the decade, from glam rock that sounds like it belongs in a car commercial to folky bullshit that sounds like it belongs in a more family focused car commercial. This gets my first DNP (Does Not Place).

#490

Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like a Wheel

Another soft-rock blues and country album which just doesn’t land with me. But the opener “You’re No Good” is like a soul/country hybrid which still goes hard and the title track hits with the lyrics “And it's only love and it's only love / That can wreck a human being and turn him inside out”.

Current Ranking, which is weirdly almost like an inverse of the rolling stones list so far;

[doomedhowell]

It Was Fun When We Were Young, And Now We’re Older

Summary: Dan’s an up and coming singer. With his fame rising, his manager thinks that it’ll be good for him to get a bodyguard. When Dan is suddenly reunited with a childhood best friend during this process, old feelings are revisited which makes things complicated.

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 1,450

Trigger Warnings: swearing

Written for the pff bingo 2019: filled for the prompt ‘regular job au’

[READ ON AO3]

“Do you really think I need a bodyguard?” Dan asks as he walks up to the table, sighing.

“Yes, Daniel. You’re getting more popular everyday, and it’s unsafe for you to just walk around these days. Trust me. I’ve been in this business for a long time. Way longer than you. I know it seems unnecessary, but it’s purely for your own safety,” his manager Louise, explains.

“But, my fans are nice. They’re lovely. I don’t think they’d go out of they’re way to hurt me,” Dan argues.

“It’s not just about your fans, Daniel. Although they are surprisingly very lovely. We have to worry about criminals and stalkers. These are things we have to take into consideration now that you’re famous,”

“Alright, fine,” Dan sighs in defeat, and plops down on one of the chairs. “And, what have I told you about calling me Daniel? You know how much I hate that.”

“Why do you think I call you that, then?” Louise asks, smirking as she looks over at Dan.

Dan glares at her. “You’re actually the worst,”

Louise laughs. “Okay. We have fifteen people that we can look at today. Some are experienced when it comes to jobs like bodyguards, and some also have little experience but would still be good for the job. Some are older, and some are young. We wanted to give you a wide variety of men to choose from.”

“Only men?” Dan asks curiously, raising his eyebrows.

“Unfortunately, there were no applicants of women who seemed fit for the job,” Louise sighs.

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “Well, I’m gay. So if they’re attractive, that’s a bonus for me,”

“Dan!” Louise groans. “You have to keep your personal relationship with your bodyguard professional. Trust me, these things never work out and it just makes things complicated.”

“Sounds like you’re talking from personal experience?” Dan asks.

“Well, not for me. But, I’ve had many clients who involve themselves with their bodyguards,” Louise says.

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever. Let’s get started. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long day,”

“Alright. Let’s bring in the first guy please!” Louise shouts, handing a paper of the first man over to Dan. Louise smiles when the first man walks out. “Hello there. What’s your name?”

“My name is Thomas,”

“Nice to meet you, Thomas. How old are you? How long have you been in this business for?”

“I’m thirty six, and I’ve been a bodyguard for over ten years,” Thomas replies.

Dan starts getting bored after the fifth bodyguard. None of them seem like the right bodyguard for him.

“Lou, I’m tired. Can we please just call it a day and go home?” Dan groans, running a hand over his face. None of these men are working. I don’t like any of them.”

“We still have ten more,” Louise rolls her eyes. “Pay more attention. I’m sure we’ll find one. Next!”

“Oh, for fuck sakes,” Dan grumbles, rubbing his eyes tiredly, before looking over at Louise. “You know, being famous doesn’t sound fun anymore.”

“Shh,” Louise hisses when the next man starts walking out. “Hi! What’s your name?”

“Hello. Um, my name is Phil. Phil Lester,” the man speaks shyly.

Dan instantly looks up the second he hears the all too familiar name. “Phil Lester?”

“Dan?”

“Holy shit. What the hell are you doing here?” Dan asks, instantly standing up from his chair.

“Hey, wait a second. You two know each other?” Louise asks with confusion.

“Of course we do! Me and Phil are childhood friends. We haven’t seen each other in years,” Dan says, walking around the table and then rushing over to hug Phil.

Phil laughs as he hugs Dan, squeezing him tightly. “I had no idea it was you I’d be applying to bodyguard!’

“I had no idea you were a bodyguard at all,” Dan pulls away from the hug and looks up at Phil. “How-?”

“Yeah. Well, I’ve been a bodyguard for years now. Weird occupation for me, I know. But, it happened… and now I’ve been a bodyguard for all types of celebrities. But, I obviously never would have thought…? Why do you need a bodyguard?”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m an up and coming superstar. Everyone loves me!” Dan jokes.

“Seriously?” Phil asks, raising his eyebrows. “You’re famous now?”

“Apparently,” Dan shrugs his shoulders, and looks at Phil. “I just make music, and I guess people like it. Louise thinks it’s a good idea for me to get a bodyguard or two. Well, Louise. I think I found the right one-” Dan turns to face his manager. “We don’t need to look anymore. Phil’s hired.”

“Hold on a second Daniel,” Louise stands up. “You can’t just hire him because he’s a childhood friend.”

“I can do as I please,” Dan argues, crossing his arms against his chest. “I would trust Phil with my life.”

“In my defense,” Phil begins as he looks over at Louise. “I would also never allow anyone to hurt Dan. Despite not seeing each other for a couple of years, he’s still one of my best friends.”

“Louise,” Dan begs. “Please, I don’t want anyone else to be my bodyguard. Give Phil a chance. Please?”

“Alright! I give up,” Louise throws her arms up in surrender.

****

Dan and Phil spend the next few days catching up. They haven’t seen one another in years, and obviously a lot has changed between the two of them over the years.

Phil has no idea about Dan’s music career, so of course he goes straight home to listen to his songs.

Phil understands why Dan is adored and loved by many all around the world.

“I had no idea,” Phil begins once they safely make it into the building, making it to Dan’s dressing room. It’s press day, Dan has a lot of interviews, promoting his first album. It’s also Phil’s first day as Dan’s bodyguard. They’ve already encountered Phil’s first obstacle as there were already fans waiting for Dan when they arrived at the building. “All those people outside are here for you, Dan.”

“You can’t be that surprised. I’m sure you’ve seen bigger crowds,” Dan tries to argue, turning to look at Phil. “I mean, didn’t you say you were a bodyguard for One Direction once at some event?”

“Well, yeah. But, this is totally different,” Phil says.

“How so?” Dan asks, raising his eyebrows as he crosses his arms against his chest.

“Because, you’re my best friend Dan, and now people get to see how wonderful you are as a human,” Phil says softly, Phil’s compliment instantly melting Dan’s heart.

It’s silent for a moment, before Dan speaks. “We could have made it work, you know?” He whispers.

“You really want to bring that up?” Phil asks, frowning at Dan. “Dan, it’s been years since that happened.”

“So, what?” Dan asks, huffing. “We’re older now, and more experienced. My feelings never went away-” He steps closer to Phil, gently pulling him closer. “I’m not some silly teenager anymore.”

“Dan, we were young and barely had any clue about what was going on,” Phil argues. “Besides, we can’t. I’m your bodyguard now. We have to keep things professional between us.”

“You’re starting to sound an awful lot like Louise, you know?” Dan mumbles.

“Well, it’s true. My job here is to protect you,” Phil whispers. “I just don’t want things to be ruined.”

“They won’t be ruined,” Dan whispers back. “We can make things work. W- We can go slow. I just… fuck, I’ve missed you, Phil. I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“Dan,” Phil warns, though he doesn’t stop Dan when he moves even closer to him.

“Phil,” Dan replies, a smile on his face, before leaning in and pressing his lips against Phil’s.

Before, Dan had no intention of kissing Phil. He thought he would be able to work with him as friends. But, after spending a few days with him, those feelings from so many years ago returned.

“Dan, are you getting ready? We- oh, geez! Daniel James Howell!”

Dan pulls away from Phil, and he can’t help but laugh when he sees Louise standing in the doorway with her arms crossed against her chest. Dan knows he’s going to be in big trouble with Louise.

“What did we talk about?” Louise asks angrily.

Dan giggles, and buries his face in Phil’s chest, completely ignoring his manager.

Phil can’t help but smile as he holds onto Dan. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, but he can’t help it. “I’m in for a rollercoaster, aren’t I?”

“If that’s what you want to call it, then yes,” Dan grins as he looks up at Phil.

[glittergradient]

I've just realised that all the jokes about Dan being a twink when he was younger are kinda true... also Phil was basically his sugar daddy...

‘Youtube superstar AmazingPhil takes lonely emo boy in his own apartment in Manchester. Sources reveal that the boy, despite technically residing in the university campus, is always doing his laundry at Lester’s place. Charity or Real Friendship? Stay tuned to find out.”

[queerofcups]

By the amount of fic I read and how bad my memory is I'm still not surprised that I remember exactly what happens in your fic a superstar, a year on and I'm still so intrigued as to what would've happened next it was so good and such an interesting take on kid fic ugh your mind blows me away with your creativity and conception of plot

oh wow, a superstar! barring something truly unexpected that’s gonna be a forever WIP, so here anon, is what happens next along with a shit ton of backstory

Backstory / Outline

Dan’s been an au pair since he was 20. He’s only had a few families (because he’s so good and they love him) who all swear by him. Families who can afford nannies are, by nature of the job, usually wealthy. Families that can afford an au pair, particularly one of his rate and reputation, are usually quite wealthy. He hasn’t broken into the big Old Money leagues quite yet, but he finds the nouveau riche to be a little more flexible as far as Dan’s style and general deportment. 

Of course, working primarily with new money means he’s often working with celebrities. They’re British, so the celebrity culture isn’t nearly as rabid as it is in America. 

But he does have a respectable stack of clippings from gossip mags that have identified him as someone’s mysterious new lover or piece on the side. 

He doesn’t blink at Bryony’s assignment of one last job: Phil Lester. 

Lester’s been making a comeback in the last couple of years, rebuilding his cultural cache after a few years outside of the spotlight. Bryony swears it's a short job, nothing like the last years-long job he just wrapped up. 

Dan’s loathe to admit it, but part of the reason he’s hesitant to take on another job, other than wanting a career change, is that leaving families wears on him. 

He’s not that breed of caretaker who can separate himself from his families. Some of these kids he’s watched grow from little lumps of cute into real humans with opinions and preferences and it can be hard to let go. 

Which is why, when he meets Sophia, he knows he’s screwed because she’s a firecracker of a kid and he falls a little in love with her as soon as they meet. 

Note: Sophie’s real first name is Manon

Dan’s bi and ends up helping Phil work through some of his own stuff about being pretty much gay, but having been in love with Margaux

He’s got depression and a touch of anxiety and explains those to Sophia at some point. 

He knows he’s in when he realizes he’s been looking up tutorials for styling curly hair online. 

Phil

Former youtuber that won a contest to be on a couple episodes of some failing TV show & became a dark horse who ends up getting picked up for a few other shows and eventually (shortly) makes the jump to film. 

The industry falls all over themselves to talk about how -nice- he is, how -polite-

It's untreated anxiety that leaves him bordering on panic attacks at every red carpet debut but he never says that. 

It gets worse after he’s caught coming out of a gay bar, mouth still attached to some boy

It's not exactly homophobia that drives him out. People are kind and don’t say anything to his face. 

But suddenly they want to know things. 

How long has he known?

What's his type?

They want him to be a role model and he just wants to live

It's an easy decision. It's so easy to walk away he almost feels guilty. He loves acting, so much it surprised him when he first started, but he knows he can’t stop doing it. 

So he stops taking roles. He doesn’t sign any new contracts. He nods and smiles when people tell him he’s making a mistake and he pickets his last checks. 

He doesn't go far,  just moves to a smaller apartment in London, in a less ritzy area and waitings until people stop trying to follow him home. 

It's not a meltdown, no matter what The Sun (?) says. The fame just starts to feel like a cold hand around his throat and he gets out before it starts to squeeze. 

There are people who understand and they’re proud of him. That feels awkward too, but nothing like the gaze of the public. 

He can eventually go back to school, for video editing, and he has a few things with guys that are short term. 

Which is fine. He’s young enough that he’s allowed to be restless and a little freewheeling. 

Margaux is...was...is a shock to his system. 

She’s a second generation French-American who moved to London so she can be boring in peace. 

(She’s French & Creole specifically. Sophia’s legal name is Manon Sophia Ange Siméon Lester. Obviously she only goes by Sophia Lester for the most part. Her maternal relatives aren’t pleased with that)

Margaux’s family was small when they met and only got smaller over the years they knew each other until it feels like it's just them and Sophia. 

The thing is, Phil never called himself gay. The press did. 

But he would now. Because he knows that there won’t be other women after Margaux. He knows it's unhealthy, but it's better than deciding there will never be anyone else at all. 

They were friends. They’d never called themselves anything more than that--not before Sophia and not after. 

Sophia is nearly seven with Margaux goes on the trip. They’d lived together on and off, so it's nothing strange for her to be with Phil rather than one of her two remaining maternal grandmothers. 

Phil is Sophia’s father, legally, biologically, all the way. But he sometimes feels like the most out of place person in her life. He doesn't know how to express to Sophia how much he loved Margaux while still being a mostly-gay man. 

Phil’s weirdness about bisexuality (his own and the very idea) is a sticking point between him and Dan

Sophia knows and doesn’t particularly get why the delineation matters. All she knows is her Dad sometimes acts unsure of his own Dadness. 

Margaux dies because of a head injury. She’d gone on an extended vacation with friends and gone bike riding without a helmet and fell. The friends took her to a clinic and she’d gotten a bandage for the scrapes to her forehead, a scolding and a clean bill of health. She’d skyped with them that night and made jokes about ruining her moneymaker. In the morning, she was gone. 

People in Phil’s life, his relatives and former friends, characterize Margaux as a funny little deviation that would have just faded into a fun story if not for Sophia. Phil doesn’t argue, because he doesn’t want to upset things)

Dan realizing that Phil loved her is a moment of breaking through Phil’s shiny veneer of untouchable politeness)

When Phil decided to start acting again, he’s not expecting things to progress as quickly as they do. He knows that people were impressed with him when he was younger. He’s shocked to hear words like “critically acclaimed” get thrown around. He was just a kid escaping into the lives of people who had bigger problems than him. 

But he reaches out, because he misses it and he’s tired of being a not-widower, hanting everywhere he goes, and the roles come. 

And the gaze comes with them. There are small things. A c-plot role, a secondary character. A lead role from a smaller studio. And then a big break comes across his desk. It's a middling role, but everyone that gets top billing comes with an Academy Award attached. And there are explosions in the script. The kind that mean a summer blockbuster. He takes it, and suddenly, he’s on the edges of spotlight again. 

Phil knows what he looks like. Internet star turned film star who goes gay, disappears for a few years, then returns, unpartnered with a brown, French speaking, half-American (half black America) pre-teen in tow. He looks like a ton of clicks, maybe a record number of copies sold.

Soph is 11. 

He takes the role and calls Bryony directly, because there’s no way he can do this alone. 

Part One: Meeting

Dan’s finishing up his first month back home after leaving a family. He’s got scripts on his desk--good, meaty roles that have him thinking he might not take another family on, yet. 

Bryony calls, which is interesting. She’s the head of the agency & they’re friendly but not on phone call terms. 

She offers him the job. He initially refuses. She admits it's a personal favor kind of job, and temporary and she wants her best on it. 

Dan agrees to a chemistry meeting. 

They meet up, Sophia charms dan and he still says no. 

She comes with a short term nanny because her dad’s running late. 

Phil shows up & Dan’s jaw clenches because PHil’s the kind of rung-jumping acting success story that Dan’ resents. 

So he’s sarcastic and a little cross because he hates that and the choir boy facade Phil puts on

Maybe he makes a euthanasia joke? Or something about an uncaring universe that goes over Sophia’s head. 

Except Phil laughs and doesn't glanced nervously at Sophia the way parents do sometimes when dan gets a little dark. 

Phil finally sends Sophia off to buy a cupcake so he can be alone and upfront with Dan. 

He explains that it won’t be a long term job, just the 9 months he needs to be in America to shoot and then Dan is free. 

“This is just the first time we’ve done this,” Phil says, watching Sophia through the window. “And I want to give Soph the best. She deserves the best. Better than that.”

And Dan’s a goner. He’s still a businessman, so he asks for time to consider and sends his terms of employment to the agency’s lawyer. But he knows he’s going to do it. He makes a mental note to look up a list of tutors if they don’t already have one hired. 

Part 2: Getting to Know Each Other

Dan makes the assumption that Sophia is adopted & Phil awkwardly corrects him--this is the beginning of their conflict over the word bisexual. 

Phil’s never had an au pair, so he’s uncomfortable with how *there* Dan suddenly is. He doesn’t move into their London flat because there’s not room for him but they start preparing for the move & he’s got experience in ordering houses for that, more than Phil does. 

They don’t have any other staff. Sophia will get a tutor in America, but she’s finishing her year in school & Phil lives well within his means, small flat, they cook for themselves and the cleaning lady visits once a week. Dan’s the only one there all the time & despite all his years of experience, he feels invasive. But he also gets to see how close Phil and Sophia are, including watching them do “homework” together, Sophia doing equations & Phil running lines. 

They go to America. Phil’s one movie has turned into parts in three movies. In one he’s playing a semi-serious playboy villain who was once the husband of the (superhero) lead. In another, he’s a professor/mentor in a teen dramedy. In the last one, the blockbuster/oscar bait, he’s playing a man whose life is ruined by the rise of the regime the main cast is fighting. Dan thinks the last one is the only one that sounds interesting. But he’s impressed with Phil’s handling of learning all the scripts. They’re surprisingly disparate characters. The playboy is, at his core, a sleaze that covers himself in a fine patina of British politeness. The professor is clearly meant to be someone whose awkwardness translates into the kind of cool kids would find appealing & Phil manages to strike the balance gamely. And the last one is...it's Oscar bait and even though Phil’s part isn’t big enough to get him supporting actor billing Dan can see him prepare to give a career-changing, maybe even life changing performance. 

The first two he practices in front of them. Dan gets sick of the lines, finds himself muttering them along with Phil as he makes Sophie’s snacks. 

The other one, only Dan sees. 

He doesn’t at first. For a while Phil locks himself away in his room and Dan can only hear the muffled yelling of a one sided argument. 

But one night he’s sitting, looking out over the city, thinking about going to bed when Phil comes out and asks him, sheepishly, if he’ll listen and tell Phil if he sounds wooden. 

Dan agrees and they sit at the kitchen table. Phil takes a long, steady breath and suddenly there are tears. He holds his head just slightly higher, proudly, and there’s suddenly a stoney archness Dan’s never seen on him before. 

“And so that’s it,” Phil says, his voice cold, closed off and defeated. “Eleven years and you hand me over to your precious leader.”“Josiah,” Dan says, looking at the script. “You have to understand. I had no choice--”“Coward,” Phil says. It's a simple word but still feels like it pierces Dan’s core.“My darling,” Dan says. “Please.”Phil stands. Dan watches him. “Remember that.” He stalks around the table, his eyes still shining with tears. “When I am on my knees, begging for life, when they’ve made you my executioner.”He steps closer, standing a hair too close to Dan, and says, anguished, “Remember that I was once your darling. Your beloved. Your love.”Dan is rapt, waiting for the next line, but Phil clears his throat and takes a step back. “And then they kiss and Josiah leaves,” Phil says, suddenly back in his own body and self. “What d’you think?”“Wow,” Dan says, hoping his face isn’t betraying his surprise that Phil can actually, really act. “Um. It’s good. Your movements could be a little smoother. They were together, right? So Josiah should be used to getting in--what’s her name?”“His,” Phil says, settling back into his kitchen chair. “Theodore. Theo.”“Woah,” Dan says before he thinks better of it. “You’re playing gay?”Phil quirks an eyebrow, “It's not really...playing?”Dan waves a hand, “Obviously. But that’s a big choice, role-wise. You aren’t afraid they’ll just see you as the gay one?”Phil stares at him, brows furrowed until Dan mouths, “What?”“You do know...about me, right? How my career got started? And why I stopped? I’m already the gay one.”“But you have a choice. I’m not saying you should change your mind. The film industries closet shit is bullshit. But you have a choice.”“Dan. I know. And the choice is what I get to be private about.  An actor--a celebrity who isn’t trying to walk back their youthful indiscretion is way more interesting than a mostly gay man with a kid and a dead...Margaux.”Dan feels...so many things. “You can’t hide Sophie. She’s your kid.”“I’m not hiding her,” Phil says, and Dan knows immediately that this isn’t the first time Phil’s heard this exact argument. “I’m protecting her.”

Dan keeps agreeing to run lines with Phil. He never asks for the script, so he learns Josiah through Phil, the early scenes where he’s playful, teasingly sensual, his deteriorating life and mental state and the way he dies. 

They don't run those lines when Sophie is home. It's understandable. It's unsettling for Dan, an adult who understands the depths you can get to while acting, to watch Phil muss himself up and drop unceremoniously to his knees, hands clasped behind himself. It's a short scene & Dan knows the public will be outraged with the scene. But every time he reads his own lines, a choked, delicate line of “I have to.”Phil nails it with workman’s precision everytime, He looks slightly past Dan, huffs a soft broken laugh and says, so quiet and tender, so full of betrayal. “You’ll never forget this day, Theo.” Dan doesn’t know what happens in the rest of the movie, but he’d pay the price of admission to watch Phil say that sentence.He’s been convinced, won over, sold & transported.

The fic doesn't end after they hook up for the first time, follows them through figuring out that this can’t be a one time thing and they both want this to last. Phil encouraging Dan to take on acting and not just because they can’t be together publicly while Dan is Sophie’s au pair. 

Ending of the fic is Sophie and Dan hanging out at the Oscars (or BAFTAs?) waiting for Phil to come out of the bathroom. It's a few years later (enough years that Dan should probably be freaked out about how many of the actresses he and Soph agree are super hot) and Phil’s up for an Oscar for best supporting actor. 

*At some point they get drunk together (after some terrible award show?) and talk about their first and best times with men and Dan accidentally dirty talks to Phil because he’s drunk and reminiscing about some truly outstanding cock he’s had in his day.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Actor AU (3) Masterlist

Links last checked: April 3rd, 2022

Part One, Part Two

Act Naturally (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil has a quiet life studying film at university and some small dreams of being a director he's mostly ignoring, but his whole life is turned upside down when his roommate signs him up for a game show and he meets the famously arrogant movie star Daniel Howell.

A drop in the ocean - icequeenjules26

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

A Heart Full of Love - lestericalphan

Summary: Phil is the new Marius in the West End version of Les Mis. However for him there is more drama off the stage then on as he falls in love.

A Rose By Any Other Name (ao3) - gracilis

Summary: AU where Dan Howell is an actor and Phil Lester is a lot of things- hopeful and fearful included.

A Superstar (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: Phil is a former child actor, with a kid and a not-so-mysterious past. Dan’s a nanny, desperately trying to retire. They fall in love, y'know, eventually.

Co-Stars (ao3) - mollieblack

Summary: Phil Lester hadn't meant to - he really hadn't.

He hadn't INTENDED on working for an adult film company that specialized in full length films when he moved to London. And he CERTAINLY hadn't intended on getting roped into acting in one with his cute and slightly awkward co-star, Dan Howell.

Don’t Leave Me (Please Come Back) (ao3) - roryonice

Summary: Dan and Phil broke up in high school and haven’t seen each other in seven years, but when Dan gets the lead role in a Broadway musical, Phil flies across the country to see Dan and they realise that breaking up may have been a mistake.

Don’t Smile At Me (ao3) - luckysam78

Summary: actor!dan meets swimmer!phil and he realizes that he didn’t know what love meant before he fell into those ocean eyes.

Going Off Script - phan-panda

Summary: Both Dan and Phil are honored when offered a part in PJ’s new movie. However, a kissing scene with his best friend is a little more than Dan bargained for.

I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You (ao3) - amazingphiw

Summary: Phil Lester is an under appreciated film editor working behind the scenes. What happens when he gets the chance to talk to movie star Daniel Howell at a party?

/

Daniel Howell is a mediocre actor who only gets supporting roles and never the lead. What happens when a film editor he admires starts talking to him at a party?

In Check (ao3) - QuietBubbles

Summary: Daniel, a young, emerging actor, has a boyfriend, who loves him very much. It doesn’t matter that Philip’s line of work is dangerous, not only for him, but for all who surround him. It doesn’t matter that, day by day, he grows more protective, more possessive, more paranoid. On this chessboard, death is only ever one wrong move away. But none of that matters. For Daniel’s boyfriend loves him very much...

It Started with Shakespeare. (ao3) - heyitsnxel

Summary: Who knew that watching one student film based on Shakespeare could turn Phil into such a fanboy?

it’s a date - analester

Summary: au where phil watches a play with dan acting in it, and something (smut) happens between them.

Our Lives Don’t Collide (ao3) - 332Roses

Summary: Shit hits the fan when famous actor!Phil is caught smooching a boy in an alleyway. Only problem? He’s not out and what’s worse? The boy he was smooching was a journalist who set it all up to get a quick picture and now Phil is royally screwed. The only answer Phils management can come up with is a fake relationship to try and do damage control and famous actor!Dan is the perfect candidate.

Parallels (ao3) - okaydan

Summary: After Phil is left heartbroken by his first love, will he be able to allow new love in? Especially a love that is so painstakingly similar to the man who left him?

(Shit) Maybe I Miss You (ao3) - localopa

Summary: dan’s an actor and phil’s a bbc radio 1 presenter. a film in colorado fucks things up.

Stage Lights and Sparklers (ao3) - phantasticphun

Summary: When a friend from university asks Phil to direct his new musical on the West End, he is ecstatic. The only thing that would make him happier is if he got to direct musical sensation and actor, Dan Howell. As rehearsals begin, Dan and Phil realize that the drama might not end up being only on stage.

Theater Boys - dansleftboob

Summary: Dan gets accepted into an acting academy in Scotland where he meets Phil. Dan’s parents aren’t very supportive of him, as they want him to become a lawyer and eventually force him to quit and go to law school. However, before Dan can break the news to Phil, Phil tells him he has feelings for him.

The Silver Lining (ao3) - croissantbleu

Summary: Phil is a rising actor, gaining popularity. Dan is just a guy with a tailor shop just a few blocks away from Phil’s apartment. And Phil was looking for someone to go to for custom suits, but maybe he’ll end up with more than he had thought.

Where It Is You Might Be Going (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil takes the editing internship in 2010 and Dan doesn’t hear from him again until he runs into him in a restaurant bathroom a year later.

[phanfeed-ao3]

boy, better treat me with respect

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Ih9qSf

by phanetixs

“So, scheduled guest for Monday is Dan Howell and he’ll be performing two songs off his album - I think it’s that one he collabed on with Kendrick? Sick song, mate.” Ben clutches his clipboard with absolute glee and has that teenage-girl-I-Stan-Howell look in his eye and what the fuck, honestly.

Or, the one where Phil hosts Late Late and Dan's the one guest he really can't shake off.

Words: 4242, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M, Multi

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Original Characters, PJ Liguori

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Additional Tags: Enemies to Lovers, well enemies for now, Fluff and Humor, friends somewhere in the middle, phil's the late night host, dan's the superstar

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Ih9qSf

[harryscatlover69]

Masterlist

Series

Pasties Can Hurt Sometimes (Dan Howell): Part1 Part2 Part3 Part4 Part5 Part6 Part7 Part8 Part9 Part10

Imagines

Dan Howell:

His First Time

Netflix And Dan & Phil 

Just Friends?

Phil Lester:

The Boyfriend Tag

Troye Sivan:

Turning For You

Harry Styles:

When YouTube Meets Superstar

New Years Kiss 

The Truth 

Saint Baints

Typewriter

One Direction One shots

Michael Clifford: 

Seduction 

Requests

Dan Howell: 

Books Can Be Heavy At Times 

Harry Styles: 

Stress Overload

YouTube Trivia 

Letting Go 

Rekindling Romance

Liam Payne: 

Mistakes Lead to Pain 

Prompts

Prompt 18 (Dan Howell)

Prompts 10 & 37(Dan Howell) 

[ao3feedphan]

a Superstar

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2mGNuY9

by queerofcups

Phil is a former child actor, with a kid and a not-so-mysterious past. Dan's a nanny, desperately trying to retire. They fall in love, y'know, eventually.

Words: 8145, Chapters: 1/4, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Nanny, Kid Fic

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2mGNuY9

[usernamefiaren-blog]

AmazingPhil (3)

Last week I wrote about Dan and Phil meeting each other and moving in together. They created two channels together and both of them are doing well. This week I’ll be writing about their book and the stage show they created.

TheAmazingBookIsNotOnFire (TABINOF) In 2015 Dan and Phil released a book, ironically named The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire. They came up with this idea in 2014 and started creating the book around Christmas time. The reason for creating this book according to Dan was ‘’You never know what might happen in the future. The internet might get deleted, a meteor could destroy the whole world, or one of us could die and it would be really sad.’’ (The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire, 2015, p. 8) Phil further explains ‘’So we want to trap this giant crazy wonderful world that we’ve created with our audience inside an epic enchiridion. We hope that in the distant future an alien race will stumble across it and bring it back to their mothership where we will be worshipped as their new gods!’’ (The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire, 2015, p. 8)…… Very reasonable motivations and rational explanations, right? During the making of this book, the pair has filmed the entire journey, which they uploaded to their channels right after releasing the book. This resulted in one of the most epic vlogs they have ever made. They show everything from writing the book, to doing a photo shoot and choosing the type of paper used in the book. The book itself consists of things they would normally do in their own video’s, but also some new things. The known ones include Phil’s why I was a weird kid, things I thought were true that are not true and the 7 second challenge. For Dan these things are Reasons why Dan’s a fail, the different characters Dan plays in his sketches explained and a tour of both the apartments. New things include a personality test to decide which dining room chair you are, Why Phil can’t have a hamster and  going deep with Dan and Phil, where they discuss difficult topics such as the apocalypse. TABINOF is a 224 page book and full of wonderful collages, stories and fun facts about the pair.

TheAmazingTourIsNotOnFire (TATINOF) After they released the book Dan and Phil decided they wanted their fans to be able to see them in real life. And so TATINOF was created. There is a making of documentary and the full show is available on YouTube Red. This does mean you have to pay for it to see it, so in support of Dan and Phil I’m not going to spoil anything about the documentary or the stage show itself. However, the work the two of them have put into this absolutely mind-blowing stage show is impressive. At first they only toured the UK, but in 2016 they have toured the US and Australia and in 2017 they plan to do several shows throughout Europe. I can confidently say that this pair of dorky YouTubers have sold out more venues than most (non-superstar) bands have these days. In the US they have visited 33 locations between April and June, ending in the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. (and they say being a YouTuber isn’t a real job) The show is massive, from the décor, to the ‘anonymous’ audience participation (because we all know how much Dan loves audience participation) this show is a must see for Dan and Phil fans (Phans). Even if you don’t know them, it is still funny, although you might not get half the jokes.

Dan and Phil Go Outside (DAPGO) Of course they documented most of their journey throughout the US and Australia and decided they wanted to make a photo album. Not one to gather dust on their own mantelpiece, but one for the Phans as well. They decided that it would be fun to let Phans help create the cover…. Which went horribly wrong of course (see Dan and Phil React to #DAPGO Memes!). So in the end they still made it themselves. After they created the book, there had to be a release show. (this time just one) which was obviously posted to YouTube again. It was called #DAPGOOSE, appropriately named by Phil. This book went on to sell millions of copies, just like TABINOF, not to mention the amount of tickets sold for TATINOF. All in all Dan and Phil have really outdone themselves over the past three years and I am very proud of them, I think I can speak for the entire Phandom when I say that. When they came back after their tours they have changed a bit. All for the better though, Phil seems to really have come out of his shell and Dan seems more confident than ever. I hope a lot of good awaits them in the future and I pray to God they never stop making videos, because whenever I feel slightly down they always cheer me up. Even though neither of them have any clue who I am, I feel like I’ve got a friend in them. Sometimes you just needs someone that does the talking for you and doesn’t judge you, because he doesn’t know you. I will continue to watch their video’s until.... well, until something better comes along, but I don’t think that will happen. Oh, one more thing, watch the series My Horse Prince on DanAndPhilGames, it will freak you out.

Sources

Dan and Phil React to #DAPGO Memes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU3ZzEoFGrY

Dan and Phil’s Story of TATINOF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD23u88DGeg

#DAPGOOSE – The Dan and Phil Go Outside On Stage Event

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYcJ4N_idS0

Horse Boyfriend Simulator?! – Dan and Phil Play: My Horse Prince

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF840CRYE18

The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire; Howell, D. and Lester, P. (2015)

The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire – Reveal Trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN-QBnrdGUA

The Making Of ‘The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sknu_lXtus

http://teneightymagazine.com/2016/02/26/dan-howell-phil-lester-announce-us-tour/

[ahappydnp]

don’t touch me

[queerofcups]

queerofcups end-of-the-year master post

up up up for the good show T 1000 “I can get it up just as much as you can!” Phil squawks, ignoring the fact that that wasn't technically, biologically the most accurate.

places where lovers T 2000

And they sink, little by little, further down.

one to love you sweetly E 1700 Phil knows that he and Dan are just an interlude in whatever crisis Anthony is having.

Unlatch E 1600

He hadn't really meant to expose Phil while making his dumb joke.

real love, baby (wait until you taste me) E 1000

Phil answers the door and Anthony is there. He takes a step back.

bend your head double T 500

A bit of mimosa induced, napping fluff

hard times, baby E 12000

For some people, their jumps came with a task. Figure it out, finish it and your past self would just fade away. That's not Dan. He's not sure why his past self is here. But he's got some theories.

trying, trying, trying E 800

Phil tries not to think of Dan, the morning before they meet in person for the first time.

let's hear it for the boys T 1200

They go to Pride.

i'm just an animal (looking for a home) G 700

A festival snap shot.

drown in the depth of you M 500 let’s make love in the summertime

a Superstar M 8000

Phil is a former child actor, with a kid and a not-so-mysterious past. Dan's a nanny, desperately trying to retire. They fall in love, y'know, eventually.

if you are the shores, i am the waves G 600

This is not a coffeeshop AU.

tell me why (my gods look like you) E 3000

I will keep on waiting for your love

most anything to you E 2000

Anthony wears his welcome thin.

build our walls, aluminum E 1000

There was no world before loving Dan, there'll be no world after.

drunk all summer G 800

drinking and flowing and rolling, all in love

shapes and weights to choose E 50000

Getting to interview Phil, Phil Lester, feels like the kind of recognition he's been working towards for years and Dan doesn't know how to handle it.

Dan's a sex toy blogger, Phil's a nearly-retired porn star. They fall in love, eventually.

come and rest your bones E 1700

Dan wakes up with electricity running under his skin. His dream is gone like fog through anonymous fingers, but he’s still got the feeling of it settling next to his skin

[a shapes and weights timestamp]

Magic Tricks T 15000

Every magician knows there is no such thing as magic. They are masters of making things possible out of a situation that seems impossible. The key to getting what you want in life is to know that the only reason why something is, is because it was made possible. It can only be if it is possible for it to be. Make it possible and let it be.

-

A relationship in reverse.

close up magic G 2000

Phil is a witch. Dan finds out.

I wrote up some observations about this year in fic writing (spoiler: i got less popular, and i’m fine with that), if you’re interested in that sort of thing.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Mey’s Monthly Memorables

Admin recs of October, 2018.

Rose

all your thoughts running through your head (ao3) - whatdoiknowx

Summary: phil accidentally discovers something dan is hiding.

antisocialites watch a wilting flower (ao3) - det395

Summary: Phil’s an emotionally attached and loving vet and Dan’s the drained receptionist with no dreams at the animal shelter who reconnect over the poor, hurt puppy dropped off. Dan’s boyfriend is their boss.

Vow (ao3) - Lackless

Summary: Dan and Phil get married.

Rosie

A Magic inside (wattpad) - icanseelights

Summary: Dan and Phil Cinderella AU.

Some Kind Of Folliful - danfanciesphil

Summary: Dan has one friend, and only because he was forced into it. Phil is loud, excitable, and irritatingly happy all of the time. Phil seems to find Dan’s perpetual attitude funny, and despite Dan’s best efforts to shun hum and everyone else, wants to be around him all the time. That is, until Phil starts talking about Amanda Jones.

Wifey (ao3) - transdimensional_void

Summary: Phil’s known since she was young that she is Very, Very Gay. She’s known since about a month ago that the goddess of a makeup artist at the M•A•C store makes her knees weak. Now, if she only knew how to ask her on a date…

Tori

A Game for Those Who Seek to Find a Way to Leave Their World Behind - jilliancares

Summary: In which Dan finds a strange board game and ends up playing it (and releasing its horrors) with his best friend Carrie and arch enemy, Phil.

Collab - queenofallcorgis

Summary: AU. Phil is heartbroken that his boyfriend of six years is cheating on him. With the help of Louise he finds the identity of the mystery man and decides that he isn’t going to let this Dan guy be fooled like he was.

oh, i’m trying (not to give in to you) (ao3) - Buttercups

Summary: dan is greg’s little brother. greg is phil’s best friend.

phil discovers what craving someone actually means.

stick together for survival (ao3) - colorblindly

Summary: Dan isn’t really sure why he agreed to a job that would take him to Isla Nublar, but after meeting the overly handsome raptor guy, he doesn’t want to leave the island anymore.

When I'm with You, I Lose All Control (ao3) - SimplyUndead

Summary: Phil goes to pick up his best friend’s brother from school. What starts out as seemingly harmless teasing turns into a terrible accident. But, maybe, the accident wasn’t so bad, after all.

Marii

a Superstar - queerofcups

Summary: Phil is a former child actor, with a kid and a not-so-mysterious past. Dan's a nanny, desperately trying to retire. They fall in love, y'know, eventually.

Convergence - Lilacskylester 

Summary: Daniel Howell had a one night stand in London when he was only eighteen years old. It was supposed to be a visit to London but instead, it led him into the bed of Phil Lester: Flat 311 to be exact. Now, three years later, Dan decides to seek out Phil in London but he's not alone...he has a three year old son.

#ifiwasinatimeloop - nekoma

Summary: Dan is stuck in a time loop, and of all the days he could be stuck in, he’s stuck in the day when his best friend kisses him.

Too Tense to Be Undone - auroraphilealis

Summary: Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance.